Questions, listening and labels

Find out what the other side really needs. Lesson 47 of 58: Negotiation, CEFR C1.

Calibrated questions

Open questions starting with “How” or “What” make the other side think about your problem and reveal their own: “How am I supposed to do that?” “What’s making this difficult for you?” “How can we solve this?” “What would need to be true for you to agree?” Avoid “Why?”, which sounds like an accusation.
How am I supposed to do that? (A soft way to say no)
What’s the biggest challenge on your side?
What would it take to make this work?

A label names the emotion or situation you sense: “It sounds like…”, “It seems like…”, “It looks like…”. “It sounds like the timeline is the real worry here.” Then be quiet. A correct label makes people feel understood and they explain more; a wrong one gets corrected, which also tells you something.
Never say “I hear that you…”: it puts the focus on you. Say “It sounds like…”.
It sounds like you’re under a lot of pressure from head office.
It seems like price isn’t the only concern.

A mirror repeats the last few words of what they said, as a gentle question: “We need it sooner.” “Sooner?” They will explain. A summary in your own words, to which they say “That’s right,” is the sign they feel truly understood.
…the budget is fixed until April. — Until April? (A mirror)
So, if I’ve got this right, you need… (A summary)
Tip: Aim for “That’s right” from them, not “You’re right”. “You’re right” often means “please stop talking”.

Imagine a supplier telling you they must raise prices by 15%. Respond using two calibrated questions, two labels, one mirror and one summary, without making any offer yet.
I asked how/what questions, not why
I labelled with “It sounds like…”
I mirrored once
I summarised and aimed for “That’s right”

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